Wednesday, March 14, 2007

So Love *is* Tough

Yesterday I was working on my Demons sketches. My kids wondered what I was drawing, and after they looked, they asked about the pictures. I explained to them that these were sort of anti-superheroes and represented parts of myself and behaviors that I do that I am not happy with (this will make more sense when I get time to actually scan the sketches and share them here lol). They were very interested and curious. So I asked Sam, what would you call that guy inside you who whines so much? What does he look like? And I sketched him. Then I asked Maya about the part of her that moans at every little thing that doesn't go how she wanted it to go (oh, how I wish I could get my needs met by moaning or whining!) and we sketched that one.

I had no trouble sharing this with my children. So why, when my sketchbook was out on my bed, did I feel uncomfortable when my husband glanced at it? I decided to push through the uncomfortable feeling, and explained the images to him. It was a good moment of connection at the end of a long and harried day.

I'm not sure why it was easier to be emotionally open and vulnerable with my children. I suspect part of me was embarassed to share those demons with my husband, though he is surely well acquainted with them.

Definitely more to mull over here.


leonie said...

i didn't have time to do this exercise yet. well done for taking the time to share this with your family, what a great way to connect with them all. i also find it difficult to discuss things with my man that he witnesses in person anyway!

elswhere said...

I find the same thing. Last year when I took my then-5-year-old to the beach to throw our sins in the water at Rosh Hashanah, I felt no hesitation at calling out just about all the bad habits and wrong things I remembered doing (Wasting time! Being afraid! Caring too much what other people think! Putting things off!). but I think if my partner had been there, I would've been a lot more self-conscious.

Go figure.