Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Closer, Together

There have been a lot of frustrated people in our house over the past year. Well, four of us to be exact. The kids would be kids, my cup would run over with anxiety, Erik would try to step in and fix things, and everyone would stomp off to their corner. Erik and I didn't get along much better than all four of us did. Yikes!

Even before I started feeling better, things began to improve when I understood more about what was going on with myself. I do a lot of thinking, but don't always share, even with my husband. I've realized (duh!) that I need to share what is going on inside, or he's not going to be able to help me, or even to understand why I act the way I do. I need to be mindful of my thought processes, talk back to myself when the automatic thoughts are wrong, and share those inner thoughts when the going is tough. This experience has brought us closer together.

From the depths it wasn't always easy to see all he was doing for me. I know I said some of this a few posts ago, but I really wanted to write something specifically thanking and recognizing Erik. (and was further pushed to do so by OMSH.) Without either of us really saying, my gosh, something not so great is going on here, he took over bedtime this summer, and took over dinner prep as well. Never once did he say, for heaven's sake woman, why can't you get out of bed and start dinner? Can't you read a goodnight story to one of the kids? Nope, he just went and took care of things.

Erik, when we met I was so intrigued by your laid back nature. I always hoped some of it would rub off on me. Sadly I think more of my high strung nature has rubbed off on you than the reverse, but we still make a great team. I know I am not the easiest person to live with, and it may seem that I don't always appreciate all you do for us. Thank you for loving me.

PS: I passed!


OMSH said...

That was a beautiful, heart-warming tribute. I felt the same about Jeff. I wanted to be the laid back, easy going parent. I'm not. I'm fun and loud and hysterical, but when the mood swings the other way? OUCH.


We are so blessed by our husbands.

Suna said...

Here is what I wrote:


Thanks for all your encouragement.

And OMSH, heck, we all have our moments of being a person we didn't intend to be. We wouldn't be whole without our shadow sides, I guess.

Elsita said...

Hello Nyjlm!
I wanted to thank you SOOOO much for all the wonderful comments that you left in my blog.
Reading them has been one of the most beautiful experiences for me this week! You are so generous. I really appreciate every word that you wrote. I will be back here, I can't wait to read everything...you are someone especial.
Thank you again!!
Elsita :)

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Congrats on passing the board test! And good on you for sharing the good and the bad. I've been trying to be more vocal about thanking my husband for stuff, just 'cuz he deserves it, but it's actually been positive reinforcement, and now he does more stuff around the house.

krista said...

Of course you passed!!!! Congrats. And what you wrote- haha, made me giggle. I sometimes think the same thing about Chris, that my high strung nature has rubbed off on his original calm self. But seriously, sweet what you wrote. Nice to read. And what a good thing to say to someone: thank you for loving me. (And now I'll say it to you- thanks for being my blog friend!)

cathy said...

Congratulations on passing the exam! Yay!

I also don't know how to include my husband sometimes in the inner stuff I'm working on. Part of it is that, even though he's my partner, I don't think it's his job to be my therapist or even to be a main support person when I my PTSD is raging.

Sometimes I forward him letters that I've written to other friends... with a note that said I want to keep him abreast but that he doesn't need to do anything.

I haven't found a solution yet.