Do-overs

In this week's Getting to Know You at CAC, Paintergirl asks if there is anything in your life you would re-do.

In the fourth grade (or was it third?) my class was having a 'garage sale' and sending the profits to Unicef. Someone brought in a Barbie townhouse- it was like this one with the elevator. I desperately wanted this house. It was only three dollars!

Only one problem. I was afraid to ask my parents for the money. I dreaded the thought that they could say no, so I didn't ask. I remember riding the elevator down to the lobby that morning. I can see my mother's arm as she stood next to me. The question was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn't get it out.

My friend Sandy bought it. I was heartbroken. She invited me over to play with it. It was fun, but I was so disappointed.

I think even as a kid I knew that the truly sad part of the story was not that I didn't get the dollhouse, but that I was too scared of asking my mom for it. I was not afraid of being physically harmed, or yelled at. I used to marvel at the things my younger sister felt comfortable asking our parents for.

I still don't like to ask for things. Even silly things, like asking "do you have this in my size" at the store. If I could do it over, I wish I could have been a less fearful child.