I'm exhausted. Yesterday we had a scout and his mom stop by our house sort of unexpectedly. Erik worked with Sam and two other scouts on their pinewood derby cars over the weekend. He mentioned perhaps swinging by during the week to sand and then spray paint them. Erik wasn't home yet when they knocked on the door. I wanted to run and hide. My sink was full of dishes and stinky food leftovers at the bottom, Maya was prancing around in a bikini and play high heels (she does not get this fashion sense from me!), we hadn't had dinner yet, and and and.
I called Erik; it turns out he was only a few minutes away, so I told them to stay. I started making a quick freezer meal while the kids played. I tried (and apparently succeeded) not to die of embarrassment as I unloaded the clean dishes and put the dirty ones in the dishwasher. I was overstimulated before they showed up, and could feel my nerves fraying as the minutes went by. I guess it didn't take that long, but finally Erik was home, and they headed out to the porch to work on the cars.
I was really working hard to keep it together, smiling at the mom, preparing dinner with the ease of the Beav's mom. Inside the tension in my cheekbones could have cut through concrete. As soon as they were gone I popped a xanax and informed Erik that the kids needed bathing and that I could not help with that or getting them to bed. I was very uncomfortable inside while our unexpected visitors were in the house; nevertheless, I was proud of pushing through the discomfort and not locking myself in the bathroom. Of course, saying, gosh, this is not a good time might have been a better idea. Oh well. I was already tired from several hours volunteering at the school. It was fun, but my tank was already pretty low.
I've not been treating myself very well the past few days. Well, weeks as far as eating goes. I feel bloated and icky from eating poorly. I've been going to bed far, far too late (even by my standards). And there's been no no no exercising. No wonder my body feels a tense mess. I only shot a few frames today; I haven't looked but I fear the pictures are utter crap. Ok, maybe all the photos are crap, but I have gotten a lot of joy out of them and out of the taking. Last but not least, my uncle has been hospitalized for mental problems for about the fourth time in two years, and I'm so sad. I want to write more about that; however I will show some restraint and go to bed NOW.