As I mentioned on my photo blog, what a week it's been. Last weekend I was away on a business meeting. I returned late on Sunday evening, too late to read to the children before bed. Monday was generally like any other day after a trip, me scrambling to catch up on laundry, work, and to get things in order for the week ahead.
I checked our voice mail, and heard my mother-in-law saying that my father-in-law had had a stroke on Monday morning. I tried to reach my husband, but he wasn't in his office and he'd forgotten his cell phone at home. He eventually called, as he was going to stop at the grocery store on the way home. I told him to skip the store and come home, that his mother called, and his father was in the hospital. Obviously there would be no 'getting back to normal' this week.
I'm done transitioning off of paxil and onto zoloft. I am really, really grateful that I was done switching before now. It has been so much easier to handle. Of course in any family emergency I would do what needed to be done. But it would have been immeasurably harder on me to have my husband gone for most of the week. It is hard to describe how I can tell that the new medication is helping. For one, even in genuinely stressful situations, I'm not having the physical symptoms that I was having in the last few months even at the highest strength of paxil. No more heart pounding like a herd of horses. No more trouble feeling like I'm getting enough air, no more weird tingly sensation in my arms. But it's more than that. When the kids do or say something that is upsetting to me, I don't immediately flip out and start thinking "omgomg the sky is falling." I can think internally, "hmm, that is really annoying. I don't like it. But, it isn't the end of the world." and react accordingly. And more than that, I'm not reacting, I'm responding.
The other thing I noticed is that in the last year, give or take a few months, there have been recipes that I've thought, gee, I'd like to make that, but then not done a thing to accomplish that. I have made more new recipes in the last three weeks than I probably made all of last year. There's a lot of elements to this seemingly small thing. I'm committed to Weight Watchers. I know that I need to plan ahead in order to succeed. I need to plan ahead even more when my husband is away. We've also been trying to plan meals in order to shop more effectively and less expensively. Where the medicine comes in is my ability to actually follow through on these things. Yeah, I'm crossing my fingers that the medicine will continue to be this effective for a long, long time. I try to drown out the fact that I posted about recovering in October, only to end up feeling just as poorly as I did before that recovery, if not worse. I do think I understand myself and my disorder even more than I did in October, so I'll be keeping a close eye on how things are going, and hopefully won't let things get to the point they were last summer.
So for now, the proof is in the cooking.